Preparing Your Children for Independence

I was over at Kristina's blog a couple of weeks ago, Pioneer Woman at Heart and she was posted about a Hope chests for for children. I thought it was a great idea for a post here. Now my children, four girls, are long since grown and living on their own. My youngest is now 33, but I'd like to talk a bit about how I prepared them for their adult lives their whole life.

Adult life ain't easy. There are twists and turns. I couldn't prepare them for everything, nobody could. But in a push come to shove situation, they would have the knowledge to fall back on so they'd never starve, or be cold, nor be attacked without means to defend themselves. These were the foundation of life skills. I taught by example and laid the basic groundwork. I taught about ethics in work and life by going through my own and setting a higher standard than society expected whether it was work or home. We discussed my decisions. How it's better to own up to your mistakes in the beginning than later. Admitting fault, problem solve the disaster that followed, and make it right.

Now, my children had it very bad. Just as I had as a diplomat and CIA operative's child. They couldn't get away with anything. They were hospital, police, preacher, and firemen, college kids. They learned fairly quickly about owning up to mistakes and the consequences of not doing so in an up front manner. They assumed Momma would know before they got home of any wrong doing. Most times, they were right. But being fair, I wanted to know their side too before doling out punishment. And, Momma never said wait until your father or step dad get home.

Jenn and her husband 2017

My youngest daughter shocked her supervisor one time by owning up to her mistake before she had a chance to start yelling about it. The woman was speechless at my daughter's honesty. What could she say after all in response. My daughter cleaned up her own mess. She then corrected her mistake. Yes, product was wasted. Yes, the error had been made. The supervisor didn't have to go into a tirade to find the culprit.  The problem had been resolved. Yes, I trained my daughters in right choices also.

I made "hope chests" of sorts for each one. Everything they needed to set up house with. They coined the name of Grocery Fairy for me. I'd make up laundry baskets of kitchen ware complete with hand embroidered, knitted, crocheted, quilted items. Pots and pans, filled canisters, pint jars of herbs and spices, dried food stuffs. A mop, broom, bucket, cleaning supplies like vinegar, bleach, and baking soda. It was all the things you needed to set up a house with besides what you'd get as a wedding or shower present. The items you need to have to run a household. Homemade bath soaps, lotions, razors, and a fully stocked medical tote. I even included a gallon of laundry soap and laundry bars to make more. This practice continued well into their 20s.

But before all of that, I led by example. I grew a garden. Canned and froze my own food with them at my side. I planned meals in advance and precooked them for a harried mom with two jobs or job and college. I taught them how to cook, clean, preserve, and provide for their families. I taught them how to barter, glean, and trade with food growers to get much needed food items for free or almost free since they were knee high by doing so myself. Holistic medicine practices, foraging, and nature crafts were no exceptions. No matter how much money they had, these skills were important. Life has a way way of turning on a dime. I took them hunting and fishing. I taught them how to process their own meat. You catch 'em, you clean 'em. I told them to take advantage of their momma's knowledge while they can and they did.

By not immediately jumping in when there was a problem, I taught them I how to think outside the box and encouraged creative thinking in problem solving. I had a rule that you had to try to solve the problem yourself two different ways before you could ask for help. They would have to explain to me what they tried to solve the problem. There were times, I sent them back to the drawing board to try again. Believe me as a mother, this is hard to do. But it worked for homework to life decisions. Usually they found the solution on their own and pridefully boasted about their success. I let them crow and lavishly praised them. But they always knew momma or their step dad was there waiting to help if it was needed.

When our grandchildren started appearing, I saw my own children repeating what I taught them. Not because it was easier, but it instilled values and confidence. My husband I vowed that our grandchildren would never starve or do without necessities. We took the role very seriously. The snooping mother/mother in law began and the grocery fairy would suddenly appear or the grocery fairy's pantry opened up. I had a 12' x 12' full of loaded shelves. Everything from food to toys. Even 5-gallon cans of gasoline were in the outdoor shed if the need arose.

Now keep in mind, we weren't filthy rich. These stores were purchased or preserved in good times when we had extra. We scrimped and saved watching sales and coupons. Even the gasoline was bought with a store value card. I'd gotten so good at that I could purchase 20 gallons of gas for $2.18 total (gas was then $3.15 a gallon). My vehicle only held 17 gallons. The remaining 3 gallons went into gas cans and were stored each and every time I purchased gas with the card. I had twenty gallons of gasoline stored within a matter of months. School supplies were purchased the same way. I just kept doing it after my children were grown. I taught them this as well.

Yes, I led my children by example, but I learned it from my parents and grandmother first. You see how this works? Two of my children are working full-time and operating their own homesteads too. Now, my grandchildren are venturing out in the world following these same principles and so it goes.

Y'all have a blessed day!

Cockeyed Jo